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We know exactly what you mean by “my thingy blew up”.ĭon’t use on-line help. One of them is bound to work.ĭon’t learn the proper name for anything technical. When the printer still won’t print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes. When the printer won’t print, re-send the job at least 20 times. person tells you that he’ll be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice : “And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?”.
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person tells you that computer screens don’t have cartridges in them, argue. person’s chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. When something’s wrong with your home PC, dump it on an I.T.
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When you have a dozen old computer screens to get rid of, call computer support. We can fix your telephone line from here. When you’re getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call computer support. When the photocopier doesn’t work, call computer support. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery. person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts right out. support sends you an E-Mail with high importance, delete it at once. We don’t need to know that you can’t get into your mail because your computer won’t power on at all. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what’s keeping you from getting it. It’s nothing for us to remember 300 screen saver passwords. That way you won’t be there when we need your password. person says he’s coming right over, go for coffee. We can play back the error messages from here. We don’t have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.ĭon’t write anything down. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children’s art.